top of page

Telling It Like It Is - Your Ego

A belief in their own inferiority can lead a person to debilitating shyness, anxiety, phobias and depression among other behavioural disorders. It is very perturbing to feel as though you don't measure up to the others around you and self worth seems to be a platform from which all other behaviour is launched. Every one of us has probably, at some time in their life, been exposed to the bad behaviour of a person with low self esteem, desperately trying to prove their worth by bullying, teasing or condemning you. And we know it usually stems from plain ole insecurity.

And it seems as though it's much easier to drag another person down than to do some personal development and build yourself up.

In his book, "I'm OK - You're OK", American born psychiatrist, Thomas A. Harris says, "Unfortunately, the most common position, shared by 'successful' and 'unsuccessful' persons alike, is the I'm NOT OK - You're OK position." (Note: this position involves feeling worthless compared to others - My note) "The most common way of dealing with this position is by the playing of games. I believe all games have their origin in the simple childhood game, easily observed in any group of three-year-olds: 'Mine is Better Than Yours'. This game is played to bring a little momentary relief from the awful burden of the NOT OK."

He goes on to say, "Grownups indulge in sophisticated variations of the 'Mine is Better' game. Some people achieve temporary relief by accumulating possessions, by living in a bigger, better house than the Joneses, or even revelling in their modesty: I am humbler than you are."

In today's world we observe a whole new range of strategies people can use to play these games ... notably the 'Self Righteous Liberal", the "Holier than Thou Civil Libertarian", the "Indignant Offended", the "Keyboard Warrior" (which probably includes yours truly!!), the "Oppressed Vocal Minority", the "Newly Oppressed Standing Up For Themselves Vocal Majority", the "Look At Me I'm Somebody Too" and the "How Dare You Associates" of all the previous groups.

Tim Minchin, in a wonderful "Live to Learn" (Inspirational Motivational) Goalcast, says:

"Respect people with less power than you. I have, in the past, made important decisions about people I work with - agents and producers; big decisions - basely largely upon how they treat the wait staff at the restaurants we're meeting in. I don't care if you're the most powerful cat in the room. I will judge you on how you treat the least powerful."

The I'm OK, You're OK position is a choice. You get to this position by telling yourself that you know you're are a decent person; you haven't set yourself up as the benchmark of society and don't judge others too harshly. You also recognise that everyone one of us is on their own mission - a journey of self-discovery - and that everyone has something going on that you know nothing about. So you allow others to be themselves. You have the attitude of, "I am happy with myself therefore I give you the freedom to be who you are." (Clause: Society has laws and there are codes of morality. If people breech those there must be consequences)

In the same speech, following his comment that "opinions are like assholes in that everyone has one", Tim Minchin goes on to say, "I would add that opinions are different from assholes in that yours should be constantly and thoroughly examined."

You might believe you're right ... you might even feel superior. But that might just be a small child inside asking to be seen in a big and frightening world. Everyone wants to feel important. But maybe we don't need to put anyone else down to achieve that.

Try to be I'm OK - You're OK


Featured Posts
Recent Posts
Search By Tags
Follow Us
  • Facebook Classic
  • Twitter Classic
  • Google Classic
bottom of page